May 16th, 2015
Our families knew I was going in for a procedure, to have an ovarian cyst aspirated.
We were vague on the details and I still don't think anyone really knew what was going on.
That night we went to Lauri and Victor's for the typical birthday celebrations.
Being my first meal all day, I gobbled up the Cafe Rio salad.
After presents were all opened it was time to tell them what we had known for a long time, to share our news and ask for their help.
We had prepared ourselves for the onslaught of questions, maybe possibly some opposition and we prepared Brynlee to basically be the one to drop the bomb.
I bought her a shirt that said 'Big Sister' but it was sneakily tucked away under a plaid button up.
Don't ask me how Brynlee kept it quiet the whole night but she did marvelously!
So I unbuttoned her shirt and told her to go show Maga.
BOOM!
I don't think everyone understood at first.
Eventually they all got it.
Everyone was excited.
Lauri cried. I cried. Ty let me do most of the talking and put in her 2 cents here and there.
Meagan's eyes were huge and every one asked so many questions.
Everyone gave us hugs and kisses.
The pieces started fitting together.
That night was my first night of injections.
I just kept thinking throughout the whole process, how surreal it felt.
Well... it definitely felt real after those first shots.
It took me a moment or two to muster the courage to stick myself.
My hospital days came in handy and I iced my belly first so it wouldn't hurt.
I know, I was a wimp.
Got over that real quick.
The next day.
Sunday May 17th
After church and a nap for me (still feeling tender and weird after the anesthesia and procedure from the day before), we headed to Brayden and Alina's for the Lawrence side birthday celebrations for me and Papa.
We ate, watched some Jimmy Fallon lip syncing and gave Dad the 3 ton jack we all pitched in for.
Since everyone had already given me my gifts on my actual birthday it was time for us to share our news. The rig-a-ma-roll was the same.
Unbutton Brynlee's shirt, go show Mimi....
Mom immediately started to cry and said, "What's happening?"
Brayden took 2 strides to me, picked me up and cried into my shoulder.
One by one, everyone came to give us hugs and then we started into our story.
Uncle TyTy couldn't be there so we Facetimed him and let him see Brynlee's shirt before I said anything.
He cried too.
Grandma Cookie and Grandpa Donut brought something up that I knew to be true as well.
They said, "You know who is rooting for you on the other side right? Grandma Lorraine."
She's always been with me in my life. I know she protects and helps our entire family whenever she can.
Once everything was out in the open, the relief was tangible in my body.
As much as I wanted to be able to do this on our own, to surprise everyone with ultrasound pictures, Ty convinced me that we just couldn't get to that point without the support of our families.
We knew for a long time, but no one else really did and that was hard.
So rewind and I'll tell you our story.
In the beginning of 2013 (yep that's right, almost 2 years ago), I had a very distinct impression that we needed to get rid of our credit card debt. So we did. By Halloween we had paid off ALL of our credit card debt. The owner of one of the companies I work with gave me Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover for a Christmas gift a couple months later. After reading it, falling in love with it, I wanted my family to have the freedom of being completely debt free, to live that commandment of financial freedom.
Since the credit card debt was gone it was time to start on the student loans.
February 2014 rolls around and something inside me changed.
I wanted more children. Having previously decided together that Brynlee would be the only child we would raise in this life, this was a shock. I knew there was a baby (or two) waiting and I didn't know how to tell Tyler this news. Change is hard and we were getting out of debt so we could move on to bigger and better things. Well... those bigger and better things were something completely different than what we had originally thought.
We thought,
bigger house
nicer cars
vacations
NOPE NOPE NOPE
It was a bigger family and a better life for that family.
Oh geez. How was I going to break this bombshell open?
It took a few weeks but we talked it through, attended the temple and felt an urgency to pursue this path.
We felt great about this process!
Come April, I read something that the church discourages Surrogate Motherhood.
I was crushed. How could something feel so right and then not be ok?
We decided to go to a consultation just to learn more and then schedule a meeting with our Bishop.
Both of these meetings went fantastic.
Bishop was supportive but wanted to speak with more leaders.
The truth about Surrogacy and the church is that it is not forbidden only discouraged. For reasons that I can only speculate and assume.
But we were given the go ahead and I've really had to hold on to the truth that only something that is of God and is good can truly bring peace and calm.
That is how we felt. Even being surrounded with so many unknowns, we felt peace in the path and peace in the process.
But anyways.... Life continued to roll on.
By December of 2014, 6 months after Ty graduated we were done paying off his loans.
Our loans were GONE! But our car died the month before, ugh.
So, in November we were blessed with a more family sized appropriate car. The Camry.
But that meant we were starting at square one to pay off that loan before we could start our process.
Ugh...
So for a couple of months, we started plopping money onto that loan and all of a sudden I didn't feel good about our decision to pay the car off first. That is because we were not supposed to wait any longer.
We needed to start the process. Something shifted and the timing was meant to be. Next step, appointments. Our facility UCRM was fabulous, our nurses were even more so.
I absolutely loved them!!! But that means we were getting too comfortable and there was a complication. We found out that UCRM was covered by our insurance but none of the physicians were. How could this be?
Back to the drawing board and put a check mark by 'one more humbling experience'.
All of this happened before General Conference so I had something to look forward to so I could hopefully get some guidance on where to turn and what to do next.
After the Sunday afternoon session of General Conference was over, an ad came on tv for the Fertility Dr. I got a really good feeling in my heart and I called my insurance the next week and found them!! They were considered a Center of Excellence and after Ty said let's do it I made our appointments.
Reproductive Care Center - We met Dr. Blauer and Jeanette - both some of the most awesome people.
Jeanette is fabulous, helpful, caring, always smiling, answers all my dumb questions willingly even after the 20umpteenth time.
Meds anyone?
It was all sliding into place. We had a start date and it was going smoothly.
I wish I could say it's been a breeze since then but it's been far from it.
May 1st - my scheduled date to start birth control.
It was terrible. 12 days of pure confusion, chaos, and a roller coaster of emotions all caused by that stupid little pill.
Plus I had to hide it from everyone because nobody knew and you're supposed to take it at the same time everyday. It made me nauseous, not hungry and completely angry ALL THE TIME!
I actually broke things! But if I must find the good in everything I will say that I had an epiphany.
Ty and I didn't start our marriage with all roses. The first year was hard. I didn't understand it but now I know what definitely contributed. Birth control makes me MS CRAZY PANTS!!! Part of our struggles as newlyweds can be traced back to the hormonal side effects of birth control!
May 13th - first day off birth control. I got to rest before starting more meds.
Friday, May 15th - My 28th Birthday - one I will NEVER forget.
It started off great. Ty even made my favorite pancakes.
Mimi was watching Brynlee so Ty and I could go to the temple - really so we could go to our Dr.'s appointment for tests and then go to the temple.
I felt very anxious on our way to the facility.
They took a bunch of blood and then it was time for the ultrasound.
Talk about a downer. Dr. Blauer found two cysts on my right ovary. One was over 3 cm's and the other was slightly smaller. If these cysts were hormonal we would have to start birth control all over again and try again next month because basically hormonal cysts mess with ovulation.
I couldn't do birth control again. It made me feel terrible and my poor daughter and husband had to suffer through this monster of a person that those pills had turned me into.
We prayed for non-hormonal cysts so we could proceed with our original calendar.
Hard news. Hard to hear.
I gave a pee sample and we left with an anxiety to await a phone call for news on how we would proceed.
We met Tisha and Mark at the temple. What better place to go than to the house of the Lord after hearing such news? I had never been to the temple to do a session with my sister and it was really cool. She had no clue the struggles we were going through, no clue of the news we had just received, no clue we were going to drop a bomb in a couple days. But it was a silent strength to see her there with her sweetheart.
Going to the temple gave me strength, faith and hope.
We went to lunch afterwards and got the call we were waiting for.
Jeanette told me that if I could swing it, I could have a small surgery/procedure to aspirate the cysts that next morning and it would keep us on track to start our medications as planned.
Of course we would do that! So we kind of were vague on details but we told everyone I had to have some cysts removed that were causing some problems and it was going to be tomorrow morning. Mostly everyone was confused and shocked and probably just like, "um... random but ok?!?"
That night for my birthday, Brayden gave me the best blanket that, weirdly enough, has brought me a lot of comfort through this process.
For the rest of my birthday and into the next morning I had to keep praying for peace. My anxiety probably stemmed from the last time I was 'put under' or had 'surgery' it was an extremely traumatic experience and my mind could get over or let go that something would go wrong. Could my body handle it? Would my heart be ok? Would I wake up? I literally had to breathe, pray and try to mentally and emotionally accept that everything was going to be fine. I dreaded having to do this but I know it is what was supposed to happen.
I can do hard things.
Before the night was over I asked for a priesthood blessing. It was beautiful and gave me some peace.
Saturday May 16th -
Once I got into the operating room, I felt my Heavenly Father and my brother Jesus Christ were with me. Grandma Lorraine was there too.
As soon as the anesthesiologist hit his mark, which took two tries, I started to feel it and the last thing I said before I dropped out of reality was, " Well I can feel that!"
I woke up to some girl asking me if I was awake but I couldn't see her. Ty told me I kept asking the same questions over and over again. Like, "What time was it?" and "How long had I been out?" I kept telling him how the anesthesiologist had to stick me twice and I kept asking Ty to give me kisses too. He said he was about ready to ignore me because I didn't remember anyways.
Guilty confession: I liked how the anesthesia made me feel at first because I felt like I could actually sleep. Which I did just that the rest of the day.
... and now we are up to date. We told the Thomas Family our news that night, went home and started injections.
Our families knew I was going in for a procedure, to have an ovarian cyst aspirated.
We were vague on the details and I still don't think anyone really knew what was going on.
That night we went to Lauri and Victor's for the typical birthday celebrations.
Being my first meal all day, I gobbled up the Cafe Rio salad.
After presents were all opened it was time to tell them what we had known for a long time, to share our news and ask for their help.
We had prepared ourselves for the onslaught of questions, maybe possibly some opposition and we prepared Brynlee to basically be the one to drop the bomb.
I bought her a shirt that said 'Big Sister' but it was sneakily tucked away under a plaid button up.
Don't ask me how Brynlee kept it quiet the whole night but she did marvelously!
So I unbuttoned her shirt and told her to go show Maga.
BOOM!
I don't think everyone understood at first.
Eventually they all got it.
Everyone was excited.
Lauri cried. I cried. Ty let me do most of the talking and put in her 2 cents here and there.
Meagan's eyes were huge and every one asked so many questions.
Everyone gave us hugs and kisses.
The pieces started fitting together.
 |
| Yeah, that's the best picture we got of her wearing the shirt. |
I just kept thinking throughout the whole process, how surreal it felt.
Well... it definitely felt real after those first shots.
It took me a moment or two to muster the courage to stick myself.
My hospital days came in handy and I iced my belly first so it wouldn't hurt.
I know, I was a wimp.
Got over that real quick.
The next day.
Sunday May 17th
After church and a nap for me (still feeling tender and weird after the anesthesia and procedure from the day before), we headed to Brayden and Alina's for the Lawrence side birthday celebrations for me and Papa.
We ate, watched some Jimmy Fallon lip syncing and gave Dad the 3 ton jack we all pitched in for.
Since everyone had already given me my gifts on my actual birthday it was time for us to share our news. The rig-a-ma-roll was the same.
Unbutton Brynlee's shirt, go show Mimi....
Mom immediately started to cry and said, "What's happening?"
Brayden took 2 strides to me, picked me up and cried into my shoulder.
One by one, everyone came to give us hugs and then we started into our story.
Uncle TyTy couldn't be there so we Facetimed him and let him see Brynlee's shirt before I said anything.
He cried too.
Grandma Cookie and Grandpa Donut brought something up that I knew to be true as well.
They said, "You know who is rooting for you on the other side right? Grandma Lorraine."
She's always been with me in my life. I know she protects and helps our entire family whenever she can.
Once everything was out in the open, the relief was tangible in my body.
As much as I wanted to be able to do this on our own, to surprise everyone with ultrasound pictures, Ty convinced me that we just couldn't get to that point without the support of our families.
We knew for a long time, but no one else really did and that was hard.
So rewind and I'll tell you our story.
In the beginning of 2013 (yep that's right, almost 2 years ago), I had a very distinct impression that we needed to get rid of our credit card debt. So we did. By Halloween we had paid off ALL of our credit card debt. The owner of one of the companies I work with gave me Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover for a Christmas gift a couple months later. After reading it, falling in love with it, I wanted my family to have the freedom of being completely debt free, to live that commandment of financial freedom.
Since the credit card debt was gone it was time to start on the student loans.
February 2014 rolls around and something inside me changed.
I wanted more children. Having previously decided together that Brynlee would be the only child we would raise in this life, this was a shock. I knew there was a baby (or two) waiting and I didn't know how to tell Tyler this news. Change is hard and we were getting out of debt so we could move on to bigger and better things. Well... those bigger and better things were something completely different than what we had originally thought.
We thought,
bigger house
nicer cars
vacations
NOPE NOPE NOPE
It was a bigger family and a better life for that family.
Oh geez. How was I going to break this bombshell open?
It took a few weeks but we talked it through, attended the temple and felt an urgency to pursue this path.
We felt great about this process!
Come April, I read something that the church discourages Surrogate Motherhood.
I was crushed. How could something feel so right and then not be ok?
We decided to go to a consultation just to learn more and then schedule a meeting with our Bishop.
Both of these meetings went fantastic.
Bishop was supportive but wanted to speak with more leaders.
The truth about Surrogacy and the church is that it is not forbidden only discouraged. For reasons that I can only speculate and assume.
But we were given the go ahead and I've really had to hold on to the truth that only something that is of God and is good can truly bring peace and calm.
That is how we felt. Even being surrounded with so many unknowns, we felt peace in the path and peace in the process.
But anyways.... Life continued to roll on.
By December of 2014, 6 months after Ty graduated we were done paying off his loans.
Our loans were GONE! But our car died the month before, ugh.
So, in November we were blessed with a more family sized appropriate car. The Camry.
But that meant we were starting at square one to pay off that loan before we could start our process.
Ugh...
So for a couple of months, we started plopping money onto that loan and all of a sudden I didn't feel good about our decision to pay the car off first. That is because we were not supposed to wait any longer.
We needed to start the process. Something shifted and the timing was meant to be. Next step, appointments. Our facility UCRM was fabulous, our nurses were even more so.
I absolutely loved them!!! But that means we were getting too comfortable and there was a complication. We found out that UCRM was covered by our insurance but none of the physicians were. How could this be?
Back to the drawing board and put a check mark by 'one more humbling experience'.
All of this happened before General Conference so I had something to look forward to so I could hopefully get some guidance on where to turn and what to do next.
After the Sunday afternoon session of General Conference was over, an ad came on tv for the Fertility Dr. I got a really good feeling in my heart and I called my insurance the next week and found them!! They were considered a Center of Excellence and after Ty said let's do it I made our appointments.
Reproductive Care Center - We met Dr. Blauer and Jeanette - both some of the most awesome people.
Jeanette is fabulous, helpful, caring, always smiling, answers all my dumb questions willingly even after the 20umpteenth time.
Meds anyone?
It was all sliding into place. We had a start date and it was going smoothly.
I wish I could say it's been a breeze since then but it's been far from it.
May 1st - my scheduled date to start birth control.
It was terrible. 12 days of pure confusion, chaos, and a roller coaster of emotions all caused by that stupid little pill.
Plus I had to hide it from everyone because nobody knew and you're supposed to take it at the same time everyday. It made me nauseous, not hungry and completely angry ALL THE TIME!
I actually broke things! But if I must find the good in everything I will say that I had an epiphany.
Ty and I didn't start our marriage with all roses. The first year was hard. I didn't understand it but now I know what definitely contributed. Birth control makes me MS CRAZY PANTS!!! Part of our struggles as newlyweds can be traced back to the hormonal side effects of birth control!
May 13th - first day off birth control. I got to rest before starting more meds.
Friday, May 15th - My 28th Birthday - one I will NEVER forget.
It started off great. Ty even made my favorite pancakes.
Mimi was watching Brynlee so Ty and I could go to the temple - really so we could go to our Dr.'s appointment for tests and then go to the temple.
I felt very anxious on our way to the facility.
They took a bunch of blood and then it was time for the ultrasound.
Talk about a downer. Dr. Blauer found two cysts on my right ovary. One was over 3 cm's and the other was slightly smaller. If these cysts were hormonal we would have to start birth control all over again and try again next month because basically hormonal cysts mess with ovulation.
I couldn't do birth control again. It made me feel terrible and my poor daughter and husband had to suffer through this monster of a person that those pills had turned me into.
We prayed for non-hormonal cysts so we could proceed with our original calendar.
Hard news. Hard to hear.
I gave a pee sample and we left with an anxiety to await a phone call for news on how we would proceed.
We met Tisha and Mark at the temple. What better place to go than to the house of the Lord after hearing such news? I had never been to the temple to do a session with my sister and it was really cool. She had no clue the struggles we were going through, no clue of the news we had just received, no clue we were going to drop a bomb in a couple days. But it was a silent strength to see her there with her sweetheart.
Going to the temple gave me strength, faith and hope.
We went to lunch afterwards and got the call we were waiting for.
Jeanette told me that if I could swing it, I could have a small surgery/procedure to aspirate the cysts that next morning and it would keep us on track to start our medications as planned.
Of course we would do that! So we kind of were vague on details but we told everyone I had to have some cysts removed that were causing some problems and it was going to be tomorrow morning. Mostly everyone was confused and shocked and probably just like, "um... random but ok?!?"
That night for my birthday, Brayden gave me the best blanket that, weirdly enough, has brought me a lot of comfort through this process.
For the rest of my birthday and into the next morning I had to keep praying for peace. My anxiety probably stemmed from the last time I was 'put under' or had 'surgery' it was an extremely traumatic experience and my mind could get over or let go that something would go wrong. Could my body handle it? Would my heart be ok? Would I wake up? I literally had to breathe, pray and try to mentally and emotionally accept that everything was going to be fine. I dreaded having to do this but I know it is what was supposed to happen.
I can do hard things.
Before the night was over I asked for a priesthood blessing. It was beautiful and gave me some peace.
Saturday May 16th -
Once I got into the operating room, I felt my Heavenly Father and my brother Jesus Christ were with me. Grandma Lorraine was there too.
As soon as the anesthesiologist hit his mark, which took two tries, I started to feel it and the last thing I said before I dropped out of reality was, " Well I can feel that!"
I woke up to some girl asking me if I was awake but I couldn't see her. Ty told me I kept asking the same questions over and over again. Like, "What time was it?" and "How long had I been out?" I kept telling him how the anesthesiologist had to stick me twice and I kept asking Ty to give me kisses too. He said he was about ready to ignore me because I didn't remember anyways.
Guilty confession: I liked how the anesthesia made me feel at first because I felt like I could actually sleep. Which I did just that the rest of the day.
... and now we are up to date. We told the Thomas Family our news that night, went home and started injections.
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